I want to believe in aliens. I really do.

The universe is way too big, too old, and too chaotic for us to be the only dumbasses wandering around with consciousness and anxiety. On a cosmic scale, believing we’re alone is actually the weird position.

But here’s where I’m done pretending:

If aliens had actually visited Earth — physically, technologically, repeatedly — this would not still be a fucking debate.

It wouldn’t be whispered about on podcasts.

It wouldn’t be argued over on Reddit.

It wouldn’t hinge on blurry videos, vibes, and guys who swear they “just know.”

It would be the worst-kept secret in human history.

Because humans are terrible at secrets.

We leak. We brag. We sell books. We get drunk and talk too much. We leave paper trails. We leave evidence. We leave receipts. Someone credible would have blown this wide open decades ago — not with feelings, but with proof.

And yet… here we are.

Now let’s talk about the stuff people love to point to.

The Navy “Tic Tac” sightings

Yes, those are real.

Yes, Navy pilots off the coast of California saw objects behaving in ways that didn’t make sense with what they were briefed on.

Yes, radar locked onto them.

Yes, the Pentagon eventually released the footage.

That’s not fake. That’s not bullshit.

But here’s the part people keep skipping over:

Unidentified does not mean extraterrestrial.

It means “we don’t know what this is yet.” Or more often, “we know what this is, but we’re not telling you because it’s classified.”

The U.S. Navy does not announce where it’s going to conduct exercises. Ever. So if DARPA thought it had a quiet patch of ocean to test something new and suddenly Navy pilots are screaming “what the fuck is that,” that’s not aliens — that’s an internal “oh shit” moment.

You don’t steal radar footage from an aircraft carrier because aliens showed up.

You do it because someone tested something they weren’t supposed to be seen testing.

Area 51, Bob Lazar, and the S-4 fairy tale

Let’s deal with this one head-on.

Area 51 is not an alien base.

It never was.

It doesn’t need to be.

Area 51 exists so the U.S. government can test shit they don’t want you to know about yet. Period.

The U-2 spy plane.

The SR-71 Blackbird.

Stealth fighters.

Stealth bombers.

Experimental propulsion systems.

Stuff that looked impossible until suddenly it wasn’t.

Every single one of those projects generated UFO sightings. Every single one. Because when you see technology decades ahead of public knowledge, your brain fills in the blanks with science fiction.

That’s not aliens. That’s classification.

Now Bob Lazar. His name is spelled correctly. His story is famous. And here’s the part people don’t like:

If Bob Lazar saw something real at Area 51 or “S-4,” the most likely explanation is not extraterrestrial craft.

It’s DARPA.

DARPA’s entire job is to work on technology that feels impossible until it exists. Hypersonics. Exotic materials. Propulsion concepts that don’t behave like planes. Sensor spoofing. Electronic warfare. Stuff designed to confuse enemies — and apparently half the internet.

If aliens were involved, Area 51 would be the worst possible place to hide it. Too many people. Too many contractors. Too many egos. Someone with credibility would have left evidence by now.

They haven’t.

And it’s not just Area 51

People love to forget there are other places where deeply unsettling, classified human experiments happen.

Take Dugway Proving Ground in Utah — sometimes called “Area 52” by people who desperately want a sequel. Dugway exists to test chemical, biological, and defensive systems. Nerve agents. Dispersal methods. Countermeasures. Real, genuinely terrifying human technology.

They’ve accidentally killed livestock there.

They’ve tested things they don’t like talking about.

They’ve done shit that absolutely does not need aliens to be disturbing.

When you see weird lights, strange aircraft, or things behaving in ways you don’t understand near places like that, the answer isn’t “ET.”

It’s “you are not cleared to know what that was.”

The part that actually pisses me off

Believing everything weird is aliens is lazy.

It lets us ignore how advanced — and dangerous — human technology already is. It lets governments hide behind cosmic mystery instead of being questioned about what they’re actually building. And it turns real, legitimate curiosity into a circus of speculation and bullshit.

I’m not anti-wonder.

I’m anti-credulity.

Aliens probably exist somewhere out there. The universe would be shocking if they didn’t.

But if they’d been hanging out in Nevada, buzzing Navy pilots, and joyriding through restricted airspace?

We wouldn’t be arguing about it.

We’d be arguing about who fucked it up, who tried to monetize it, and who lied about it first.

And I’m done pretending otherwise.

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