Here’s an angle about being disabled that I’ve never really talked about — and if you can walk, bend, or touch your own feet, you probably take it for granted every single day: putting on socks or shoes is a pain in the ass.

Now don’t get me wrong, it can be done. There are tricks, gadgets, and workarounds. But here’s the thing: we live in an age of AI writing poems, Teslas driving themselves (into stuff, but still), and rubber sealant you can literally spray onto a screen door and turn it into a boat. So why, exactly, am I still struggling to get a shoe on my foot in 2025?

Where’s my spray-on footwear?

I’m not talking about some complicated NASA-grade contraption. I’m talking about a can of magic goo. Think Flex Seal, but for your feet. Aim, spray, and boom: instant shoe. When you’re done, you hop in the shower and spray it off, no socks to peel, no laces to tie. Just fresh feet and less swearing.

Yes, there are problems. I’ve thought of those too:

• What happens when it rains? Congratulations, you’re barefoot again.
• What if it smells? Nobody wants permanent Eau de Foot lingering around.
• What if the spray-on soles wear out halfway across the parking lot? Do I get roadside assistance for that?

But come on. Elon Musk is out here launching rockets, digging tunnels to nowhere (sorry, Los Angeles), and buying platforms he doesn’t understand. Surely he can spare a fraction of his wealth — less than he spends on flamethrowers and Dogecoin memes — to fund a team that develops Spray-On Shoes 1.0.

Here’s the dream: a spray that keeps your feet warm in the winter, cool in the summer, grippy enough not to slip on tile, and stylish enough that people stop asking, “Hey, what’s on your feet?”

Because here’s the truth: being disabled means that the “simple” stuff isn’t simple. And the more ridiculous solutions I imagine, the more I wonder why the hell they don’t already exist.

So Elon, if you’re listening: forget the Mars colony for five minutes. Some of us would just like to leave the house without wrestling a pair of shoes like they’re wild animals. Spray-on shoes. Make it happen.

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