There’s always the one asshole in the bunch.

So we all know about Maynard James Keenan, the vocalist of Tool, a perfect circle and Puscifer  if you have truly been living under a rock, go look them up in fact before you look them up, I would strongly recommend that you read A Perfect Union of Contrary Things 

By Maynard. it will give you a lot of great insights into the theatrical aspects of Puscifer.

 In 2012 or sometime around then way before that book came out the Emu and I ventured down to the paps theater in Milwaukee to see them. 

I had ordered tickets online and checked the box that said accessible seating for obvious reasons. I didn’t think anything of it, we roll into Milwaukee pull up to the theater go to willcall to pick up the tickets.

 I said hi my name is and the lady behind the counter. Said your Lucas Osmond. I sat there for a minute and said yes she didn’t ask me for ID and handed me my tickets, we walked towards our seat and somebody said go see the guy in the yellow shirt he will show you where to go. I got halfway to him and he said your Lucas I said yes still confused on how they knew who I was. Again, I said yes he told me to go down and look for the velvet rope and Vanessa our bartender for the evening. I looked at the Emu and said that’s fucking weird.

We go down to where there was a velvet rope and a woman sitting there with a drink tray. She said hi I’m Vanessa. What can I get you this evening? I believe we ordered a couple of three Floyds gumball head. She came back with the beer and I tried to pay her and she said don’t worry about it and walked away,

 OK that’s even weird. Don’t have to pay for beer have to remember that.

 Now, if you’ve ever been in the paps theater, it’s tiny very very intimate. I remarked that. Hey everybody is sitting down. I can see the entire stage, in the back of my head. I’m going now that won’t last very long. It’s a rock concert. Everybody stands up at a rock concert. 

The open act comes out and it was a comedy routine very different than any other show I had been to. Now, if you know Puscifer, they’re very very theatrical so for the Emu and I this seem to fit. The rest of the crowd I think assumed it was going to be like one of Maynards other projects. They didn’t really get the comedian, but that’s OK. The band comes out and does their thing and everybody is into it but nobody is standing up so I can still see.

Halfway through the show some drunk asshole two rows up to my right during a quiet part in the performance starts yelling. Hey this is a rock concert come on everybody stand up. He was truly being obnoxious being that this is more like a theater production with rock music, but of course because people are sheep what do you think happened? 

That’s right ass in my face like usual. I got pissed off and rolled out into the aisle so I could see. One of the security goons came by and told me I had to go back to my seat, I was blocking the aisle. I believe I told him to fuck off. He stood around for a minute with his mouth hanging open and then said well come with me he pushed me down in front of the stage at Maynards feet and said put your brakes on. Roger chief.

 I’m now sitting at Maynards feet. I can feel him breathing on me. This is impressive. They finished the set and the man comes over and shakes my hand and thanks me for coming to his show. Like I would miss it..

I know you’re all wondering how did they know who you were? It turns out that I was the only person to buy wheelchair accessible tickets for the show. I have no idea if Maynard knew about it or if the staff at the paps theater arranged the whole thing, but still a fucking amazing night.


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